A mas de un año

A mas de un año.. regresa el dolor...la desesperación y la angustia.. me siento incapaz de seguir adelante. Se que tengo que respirar profundo pero no puedo.. c me oprime el pecho.. es akaso la frustración de buscarte y no encontrarte?.. todo dice que no.. xk mi corazón dice k si... xk? porque sigo sola?.. k hice mal?? xk es justo k yo este asi.. sola... k kiere la vida de mi??? x favor k c detenga y me recoja.. k me lleve dentro d si..

El nuevo objetivo d mi vida

He decidido un nuevo objetivo... ser directora d marketing en una empresa importante!!! Alguna vez mi terapeuta me dijo k uno tiene k desarrollar su vida sin esperar hacer junto a alguien. En el momento k llegue esa persona tendrás k armar un enorme rompecabezas kon sus vidas...juntandolas.. pero nuna fusionarlas.. xk sino funcionan las kosas y x algun motivo c separan..no podrás seguir adelante xk todo tiene k ver kon esa otra persona. Y bueno estoy construyendo mi vida en base a mi.. y solo a mi.. y ese es mi nuevo objetivo.. ser una ejecutiva exitosa.. y io c k voy en buen kamino..

Lo mas sencillo de la vida.. lo mas genial

K puedo decir... después de toda la revolución por la que pase en esta vida... solo x hoy soy feliz... lo mas simple de la vida... lo mas feliz del mundo..

- Helado de chocolate

- Mi pijamita

- Escuchando a los Deftones

Puede k no me sepa la letra d la canción, puede k este despeinada.. pero nada d eso importa.. soy feliz =)

Pink's Request.

Para los chikos k tienen interes en mi jajajajaja

Not so good 2day

Estoy algo angustiada... he visto la lista d posibles personas k puedo konocer.. y la noticia es k existen muchas pero.. x mi bizarro komportamiento seguro ninguna d ellas me volvería a hablar.. depressed... mi estabilidad emocional es taaaan vulnerable aun.. después d todos estos años d medicamentos y terapia. Things are not the way they should be.. estoy emocionalmente rota d nuevo.. why everybody always looks so happy???

Y ahora ke???

Baff!! Estoy mega aburrida.. haciendo kuentas.. bla bla bla.. Estaba hablando hace rato kon mi hermanita Adoptiva MaryC kon respecto a ponernos metas en la vida. He visto en Facebook k muchos d mis amigos ya han cumplido los sueños k me platicaban años atras.. y yo??..nada... Pero bueno MaryC me dijo k me pusiera a ver k me gusta y k me gustaría tener d logro en mi vida.. y bueno ahora es lo k estoy haciendo.. veamos komo me va... =)

PoleDance!!!

El miercoles fui a mi klase d prueba de poledance en un lugar llamado Yonishakti y woooo!!!! esta genial. Klaro k llegue 20 min tarde xk mi hermana y yo nos perdimos... anote 17.. en vez de 171 jajajaja.. pero al final llegamos y rápido nos integramos a la clase.. algo de calentamiento.. el kual a penas y pude hacer (llevo como 15 años k no muevo ni un dedo) y después a hacer un movimiento en el tubo llamado "Kohala" y bueno io parecia chango xk no me salió nunka el paso... kuando me empezaba a salir c akabo la clase jajaja.. al principio me traumé xk a mi hermana todo le salió super bien.. y io dije "diablos.. kreo k esto no es para mi.. y kada k vengamos a klase me voy a sentir mal xk ella va a hacerlo todo y io no"... pero después lo pensé detenidamente y después pense k esta klase es algo k en verdd kiero hacer y bueno.. puede k lo k ella logra en 2 intentos a mi me llevará 10 mas.. tendré k trabajar muy duro.. pero lo voy a hacer... asi k me inskribi y kompré mi tubo....
Let´s see...
Mi piernita kon mi marka de guerra (un mega moretón) jajajajaja

Todo lo k una baja autoestima puede hacer x ti

Después d todo este tiempo.. aun... mi autoestima esta perdida. No he aprendido nada y dudo mucho k lo aprenda. Tal vez solo debería d akostumbrarme a k las kosas siempre van a ser así para mi. Kreo k tengo demasiado daño en mi inconsciente y no hay manera en este mundo en k pueda solucionarlo. Así k bien.. si no puedo kon él.. me uniré... Siempre estropeare todo lo bueno k puede existir en mi vida y tendré k aceptar kada perdida komo c vaya dando. C k d alguna forma es la manera mas sencilla pero... k mas puedo hacer?? ya intenté luchar kontra ello.. y si el objetivo no c logra.. es peor la kaida... si, tal vez soy mas kobarde d lo k pensaba k era.

Día 2 de terapia (sin electroshock) jajaja

Bueno, son las 20:11 hrs, escucho una canción de mi tracklist "girls hate boys". No es realmente que odie a los hombres.. solo que es un "girl power" que por el momento necesito =)

Y bueno... hoy después d unas pequeñas lagrimas... respiro y me siento muy positiva de todo. Se que las cosas van a estar bien y que todo ese dinero que he invertido en terapia y drogas esta funcionando jajajajaja. Es increíble todo lo que he pasado en unos meses o...¿años?.. es como si todo este tiempo mi vida hubiera estado de pausa.. y de repente el mecanismo despierta y comienza a caminar. Veamos que sucede.. =)

Say good bye!

Algunas veces debemos dejar ir aquello k mas amamos para resguardarnos del dolor.. he pekado d pensar en los demás y nunka en mi.. hoy deje ir al k fue mi primer principe azul.. y k después llego a ser mi mejor amigo.. kon ello, deseo dejar ir mi pasado k me pesa tanto. Kiero liberarme d todo y korrer... solo dejarme ir. Es duro no lo niego. Me duele esta decisión pero si no lo hubiera hecho así jamas podría dejar d amarlo xk su sombra estaría siempre detrás de mi. Y su momento de felicidad d enkontrar al amor d su vida.. me llevaría al borde.. al límite d lo k puedo aguantar.

Dave te kiero mucho y t deseo lo mejor.

Ojalá las kosas hubieran sido diferentes pero es momento d k alguien mas me kite el sueño.

As 4 2day

Veamos.. es la 1:43 am.. en un rato mas me debo d estar levantando para ir con la otorrino. hmm hoy tome la decisión de eliminar los ultimos rastros d trauma existencial k habían en mi vida .. y bueno.. aki estoy yo.. kon un nuevo comienzo =)

No pido mucho.. solo ser yo , hacerle sentir a la gente k los kiero e intentar ser feliz todos los días.. "keep it simple"

Right Now...

Going up to the happy hill!!!

So on and on...

In the endless night there's always a light,

I almost lost my soul which I almost surrender to my suicide dreams... its all over.. Im gonna fight no matter how much it will cost... I am alive and Im gonna take the risk to be happy...

Each day do something that scares you.....

Wouldn't it be nice

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong
You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together
Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through
The happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was never ending
Oh Wouldn't it be nice
Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true (run, run, run)
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
.........................................When will it be the song inside my mind??????

Minimal affection

Won't denay my minimal affection..
Intersection...
Adjust the glass to see it in bigger shape..
minimal affection...
With one hand to count all u in my paper heart
For u to be carried inside my hand..
Perfection...
Needed more... denayed...
What u have, is what u will always have..
stop....
no more..
just this....
Minimalistic affection...

Electroshock therapy

Need to shock myself
pinch my arm 2 return reality...
my reality.. be again me

If needed please proceed
electroshock therapy allowed

Untie my strait jacket so long used
Be again me, spread my wide wings,
pinch 2 stars in my eyes 2 see the moon

antidepressive 2 in the morning, 2 in the night
that's ok just leave them in my right hand

I'll feel the energy goin' through my veins
returnin' myself to me

If needed please proceed
electroshock therapy allowed

ROUND 3..

This is me.. and this my heart..
No more hate or suffer..
New beginnin' inside my soul...
Finally all is heal

Im done.. Im happy now...

ROUND 2?

Am I ready for a second fight?

CANSADA

Nena cansada..
nena triste..
x hoy ya no puede mas..

Nena kiere irse hoy a donde las almas caminan
y encuentran la luz..

Donde nena sabe k ya no derramara mas lagrimas
Nena solo kiere deskansar

Nena sola en el mundo espiritual
ahora kree k en verdad esta sola en el mundo
k no hay nadie mas como ella y k la entienda...

kree k jamas alguien la va a poder amar
como ella desea y necesita..

Mi alma gemela esta perdida y jamas
la voy a encontrar...

SOON IM GOING TO DIE

Die.. die.. die..
It's all inside my head
each day.. each hour..

Im getting ready
Im not afraid

I just want everything to end.
Just end..

NAKED

Ill seduce you

Ill make u climb my dreams

and full all my needs

Taste my skin

and lick my lips

Sweet it all be

Thought too.

Ill just show you

what is all about..

From salt to sweet

Its all about u and my needs...

Inner needs...

I WANT TO DIE

Today my only thought is of death..

today I just want to die..

To end with every little suffer that is

inside me..

I´ve lost the dream that someday

everything is going to get better

because in some way

today I know that is not going to happen

Today my tears are stronger that may hope of life

today my suffer has won the battle

Its all a circle and is never going to end

day after day, hour after hour

Its all doomed

and im damed

today I just want to die

HATE

I hate you

I hate you and I hope u disappear

of my memories and dreams

I hate you
and hope you adore me
so you can feel in your own flesh
the burns and cuts I've got inside my heart

I hate you
so much that I hope u die and
burn in hell ever after
and that you hope I could be
by yourside to heal your body

Hope a crow take out your eyes
so you will wish mine to describe
the whole world

Hope I could cut your tongue
and you wish to kiss my lips
and feel your blood slipping
through my throat

I hope you die
I hope you die....

QUEEN

She is the queen of her heart,

the owner of the suffer and loneliness

for all this years,

She is the queen of

broken heart.. her own broken heart..

Two seem like none..

two seem like ever never

And still she waits by the last ray of moonlight

for him to appear and release the destiny

lovely destiny...

MUSIC

Fill me up

with your energy

Bring my soul a new air

air of independence...

Show me your power

Tell me how to express my hate, love and passion..

By me boyfriend, my lover my friend..

Be you only you...

Seduce me with your melody

sweet melody..

Take my high.. to the endless sky..

Music....

TANABATA

Let us be one in this night of a thousand stars

Milkyway falls apart

and naked souls become one

Full moonlight please let it be..

Night of eternity

in the velvet sky

here I am to take my part

in this destiny..

My own destiny..

Let him come to me..

Please thousand stars

glittered night..

Moonlight whispers you

only you...

SAVE ME

I'm not always like this.

It's something I become.

A terrible weakness...in my nature, in my blood.

Save me, oh save me...save me from myself.

Before I hurt somebody else again.

IMPOSSIBLE

Why d'ya have to be so cute?

It's impossible to ignore you

Must you make me laugh so much

It's bad enough we get along so well

Say goodnight and go

SUICIDE

Will you die with me today?

Will you take my hand and say goodbye to everythin?

We can live in a better place

where no harm could be made

A place so high

that we could touch the stars

Just the two of us

with nothin' else that ur souls..

Will you take my hand

and suicide??

DIVA

Do you want me?

Do you dream me at night?
Do you desire me?

Why should it happen?
Why you?

KISS by KoRn

Some deny and search for things that never come around

Do I feel like a fool?

The places I have ran to all my life have disappeared

And I owe this all to you

I'm feeling like I'm sinking

And nothing's there to catch me, keep me breathing

What do I have to do?

Why can't this hurt be through?

I'm going head unto

Something I know I will fail

Why can't this kiss be true

Why won't you please let me through?

I don't understand why you always push me away

The last thing I would like to do before I go away

is cry there next to you (next to you)

Cry and talk about the good old days and where they've gone

And now how much I hate you

Ifeel the blood drip off my body as it falls right there

on the ground

EVERYTHIN' THAT COULD HAVE BEEN

There is an art, to fallin' apart,
Just follow steps 1 through 10 and you're done
When you don't know yourself, anymore
It's time to gt out of here
Just take my hand there is nothin' to fear.
Another day is wasted again

and everythin' that could have been
A burden I still bear

Even though you're gone
I'm still holdin' onto
Everythin' that could have been
Eveh though you're gone
I'm still holdin' onto
Everythin' that could have been

Mistakes, I've made a few,
Look at the mess that I've made and you'll see
That things don't always go, as planned
Mistrust, the source of this pain
You say you're angry, there's no one to blame
But you and the choices you've made

I wonder what could have been
Is this the end?

DADDY'S CYCLE

Daddy didn't meant to hurt me

but he did..

Daddy didn't meant to ignore me

while loneliness was my friend

I never deserved daddy

'cuz I was always a bad girl

He never saw inside my eyes

he never knew what was inside my mind

Daddy is now my boyfriend

and everythin will change

He will take me inside and

destiny will change..

BLACK LONELY SOUL

Creepy sounds come out of my mind
Dark shadows are by my side
Lonely creepy soul..

That's me..

Who's out there?
Who's whisperin' my name?
No body ..
just this lonely creepy soul

Who will be the one to
share this dark folish nights
To cast my fears away
The one with whom I shall die
hand by hand?

Lonely creepy soul..
that's me..

Just me....

EMPTY STREETS

"The city feels clean this time of night

Just empty streets and me walking home

To clear my head

And though it came as no surprise

I'm affected more than I had guessed

By what was said

If this loves not meant to be

If a hearts not ready to open

If the naked eye won't see

It's broken.

It's that quiet time before the dawn

And I'm half past making sense of it

Was I wrong?

Should I think to give it all

In a world where not much ever seams

To last long.

If this loves not meant to be

If a hearts not ready to open

If the naked eye won't see It's broken. "

Oh.. its broken

If this love is not meant to be....

WONDERFUL LIFE

I haven't thought of you
For years you know
Your memory seems to come and go
Our time meant so much to me
Now you can't be found
You were the first to want me
The first to love me
The first to need me

Who was the last to know you

The last to love you
The last to hold you
It's a wonderful, wonderful life

I thought of you again today
Reminding me how with time
I've changed
If you only knew what you gave to me
Now you can't be found
And you were the first I trusted
I learned what love is
When we were just kids
When did you get so lost?
How could you think you'd be better off?
Why'd you have to say goodbye

Thank you for those special moments
You will always be here, in my mind
And did you know you changed my life?
I'm thankful for that time

10 OF WANDS

heal heal heal..
that's what destiny says...

take time..
take one at a time..

let it do the rest..
I just hope time doesn't end with my life....

NOT ME

Its almost tomorrow & I still feel like yesterday...
can time go back?
Can I go back?

Im becomin' something else..
not me.. not me..

Its bigger than I can handle..

Please let me understand it..
Im under a cloud of ideas..
not me.. not me..

Where is the light?
where is the road..
not me.. not me..

Banshee

Banshee's call..

Please hear her..

please....

I cant sleep tonite..

Its my banshee's redemption..

I'll shout to the 4 winds you name

So please come..

please stop by me

Tell me it's goin' to be ok..

Im turning black

Im becomin' a banshee..

Aropax

Aropax

Sweet dreams melancholy..
Im gonna take a pill &
let it do the rest

Good bye sadness
good bye madness
Im just gonna be me..

My mind is going so soft
whispers all my world

7.7.7

This endless night
my soul is dying
an so is my life...
Deep tears are left
and nothing is going to stay..

My heart is broken
and no one is there to heal
This emptiness is killing
my last breath of life..

I was so wrong
and now I have to pay 4 it all..

where is my life now?
what amd I supposed to do?

I just want to close my eyes
and never wake up..
cuz in my dreams is the only way
you maybe near me..

Track no4

I have to let go everything..

for my own good

But I don't want to

Now that I was ready

My whole world changed in a second

It's all gone

U fill me and Im so alone

I'm lost without you..

Give me you lips

and with one kiss

will begin again..

Track no3

"I will remember you
Will you remember me
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but cannot say a word
No, we are screaming inside oh, but can't be heard
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, ah you gave me light
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one "

Sarah Mc Lachlan - I will remember you

Track no2

One shall choose...
the other may too
Chosing will bring you together again..
The path should have to be cleared
Eliminate unnecesary
Winning security
Finding deep secrets
preparare for something
more powerful

Now is easier than in days after...

Track no1

Its break up time maybe death...
or a renaissance... do u accept the challenge?
Everything will be discovered
and should have to be resolved as clear water
Before everything turns into good
first the realeased should be done
allowing changes take place
Pain and suffer will come alone
Transforming will begin
Its the only way to go on
In order to become one
first should learn to be one.....

Hole on it...

Broken heart..

agony of my soul....

My story once again is this reality

Love so strong..

Stop and wait..

Can you explain to me how ur able

to survive?

There's a hole inside my heart...

And my life is scaping..